Depression

[Evelynn]

I thought I'd be happy if I got away from all that shit. Now, I wonder if it really was the best thing for me.

My job sucks. "Well, it's work, it's not supposed to be fun" you might say. Or "At least you have a job now." And both of the above are true, but...

When I get home, what do I have to take my mind off all this crap I've been dealing with? Where can I go to escape this pressing weight I've felt since leaving? To get away from the fact that I now have a job, but none of the luxuries I'd come to depend on - and, on top of all that, my sister is now living alone with my dad, with no one to watch over her?

I'm just incredibly depressed. I want my WoW back, so I can at least pretend everything is okay again. Moreso, I guess I want happiness. REAL happiness, not the kind that comes from burying myself in a hobby to forget all the pain I've been through and am going through now.

I love all you guys...you're so much more to me than just people I play a game with. I guess that's where part of my problem originates from. I have no one to place my trust in IRL, and instead bleed my heart out to people I will never get to see.

[telva]

I tell you one thing kiddo, you aren't missing WoW right now. We aren't playing, we are constantly relogging. Blizz came up with a great idea too bad they don't have the hardware to execute it.

Keep your head up. It sucks now but will only get better.

[The Fell Hand]

That barrel of murlocs sure is misleading...:(

Serious stuff though it seems, ultimately while happiness is a fantastic thing to share with others, if it's not happiness that can be had by yourself alone at times, it's probably best to keep working on things. My anonymous and thus possibly not as pragmatic as i would like, 2 cents.

[ilia]

As I discovered after entering the army:

RL > Internet/alternative game reality/virtual community/whatever.

But of course, you need drugs (WoW) to bring your mind into a condition at which it forgets this simple fact.

[Evelynn]

I just....I want to go home.

I've been thinking about it all day...how much I miss my younger sister, my stepmom, my cats...even my dad. He's really not such a bad guy. Sure, he yells. But Saturday was one of the first times he did actual physical harm to me. I believe he regrets it. I'm not saying it justifies what he did, and that I forgive him for it, but...hell, I don't know. It's so hard having a family as twisted and broken as mine, and still loving them all, but not knowing how to cope with their various issues. With my dad, it's his temper. My mom's is her alcoholism. My younger sister's is her ADD, my older sister...her history of picking on me and her tendency to judge me and try to tell me how to live my life.

I'm just not happy where I am. I keep thinking of everything I've lost...and it's not just WoW. My younger sister is like a daughter to me; I took care of her when my mother stopped caring. I held her in my arms while she cried about having to go back to my dad's without me...and being seperated from her is very difficult for me. Sure, I could visit her, but it's not enough. I want to be there to know she's alright. Same with my kitties; they're like children to me. I can't bear being away from them for any reason.

Maybe you think I'm crazy for what I'm saying. Hell, even I don't understand completely. All I know is that as hard as I try, I can't make this home. And despite what happened, I want to go back to my REAL home.

[telva]

Eve, I don't think you are crazy, you are only human. You miss your sister and want to be with her. You want to be with her so much you are willing to go to hell to be with her. My advice to you is to talk to your dad. Let him know that you want to come home, to be with your sister, to be with him, however you want reassurances he is going to work on his anger. Because I would hate for you to go home, and then have to deal with that again =/

[Cammy]

Eve i can somewhat relate to your situation. My dad has had an anger / temper issue for his whole life. While 99% of the time hes a great father, that 1% of the time he snaps and goes crazy and starts becoming very angry over in the grand scheme of things nothing. It was just about 2 or so weeks ago that I actidently plugged the toilet >.>. He went to use it and it overflowed, but he completely lost it and it was just awful. Although he didnt actually touch us in anyway, my mom and I felt threated that he might. But after my dad settled down abit we had a long talk about it, and we are forcing my dad to get counciling of some sort. Its a terrible experience to go through on both sides of it. Im sure your dad, like mine, doesnt actually mean to hurt you guys and loves you alot. I'm not you so I could be wrong, but just leting you know I can relate in some way. Please E-mail me or if you have msn chat with me at Tallynodice@hotmail.com. <3 ya and hope things get better.