Official American Home-Office Statement (To the People of the United Kingdom)

[MVB]

To the citizens of the United Kingdom,

In the light of your failure to carry out appropriate dental hygeine, and thus take care of yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. The United Kingdom will officially become a territory of the United States of America, as will all of her tributaries and territories. We do not want the Welsh; they frighten us. Your new president (former Texas governor George Bush, of a higher SAT than John Kerry, for the 96.54% of you who cannot grasp that he is not a moron) will appoint a territorial governor for your former nation without the need to discuss it over tea and crumpets. To aid in the transition to the superior American way of life, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up the word "what" in the Merriam-Webster's English Dictionary. It does not get used randomly at the end of a sentence with no real reason. Please also look up "bloody," as you'll find its appropriate usage is nothing like how many Brits currently use it.

The letter 'U' will be stricken from locations where it has no purpose whatsoever, such as from the word "armour" or "colour." It has no purpose, and is nothing but British extravagance and is entirely unnecessary. Welcome to the way of American efficiency.

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh should be pronounced according to appearance, and if you wish to say Edinburra, you should spell it that way accordingly.

All British television will be bleeped in the fashion of the Jerry Springer show. The blight of bad-natured Brits will be removed by not exposing their young children to foul language and bad teeth (which will be fuzzed out on all British actors suffering from said genetic disorder).

US English will be renamed to American English, because it is a more appropriate analysis of the proper way to speak. All British dialects which are next-to-impossible to understand will be weeded out (as will, admittedly, the awful American dialect known as Ebonics).

You should learn to distinguish the accents of the American northeast, northwest, midwest, mid-atlantic, south, southwest, corn belt, california and Hawai'i. These are now your countrymen, and they are offended that you think they only have 2 accents -- semi-educated and hick. You will reeducate yourselves on this matter.

Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will be stricken from the airways, so that good, hard-working Americans no longer have to install subtitles, so that normal-speaking people can understand it. American actors will replace the actors if the people of the British state wish for the show to continue. We all know American actors are better anyway, and aren't as prone to having cheap whores suck their poles in back alleys.

The county "Devon" will be renamed Devonshire, because it sounds better that way.

Hollywood will continue to occasionally cast such people as Hugh Grant as the good guy. It is further sign of the plight of ignorance of the British people that they do not realize we already do this. All British sit-coms which can be understood by good, hard-working people who speak normal English will remain. Any British sit-com (or show of any kind) which uses the half-understandable accents of British that no one can understand will be stricken from the airways.

"God Save The Queen" will have all odd British sayings bleeped out, after the fashion of the Jerry Springer show. This includes the word "Queen," which in America refers to a man dressing as a woman in fishnet.

The game known as "football" in Britain will be renamed to soccer, which is a much more appropriate name. All primary British television channels will broadcast the National Football League on Sundays when in season. British rugby players may attempt to play in the NFL, but we fear only a few can handle the kind of abuse that NFL players inflict with tackles. Their obsession with not wearing pads will reveal itself as idiocy when they see that American football players require pads to not die from the impact of their tackles (which are much more forceful than the average impact in Rugby). Rugby in England will become like Rugby in America -- a primarily University sport for people not tough enough to play real football. There may be increased impetus for a woman's football league, so that the British may have some kind of chance of surviving a season. We will allow it to be co-ed until your kind catches up to the average American size and physique (which is, contrary to popular belief, much stronger and better fit than the average Brit ... the American overweight average is skewed by obese, transplanted Brits).

British people will be forced to wear pads when they reach the average American athlete's size and stature, so that they do not kill themselves when playing their idiotically pad-free game of rugby. They will be read the statistics of American football of years past, when they wore no pads, and were killing each other, because as we know Americans are much tougher than Brits, who after all invented the word "nancy" in reference to their physical wussiness. After all, why else would they prefer a game where you kick a ball around to a game where you tackle each other with the tested force of a 70mph automobile accident?

"Rounders" will be stricken from the language as a sport. Baseball will remain a highly controversial American sport full of strikes and people who don't like physical contact. This should fit well with the British style of playing, as they migrate away from their "nancy" sport known as Soccer.

You will make nice with Quebec and France. The French people provide laughter for the American people, who view their pansiness as further proof that America is the way to go. The Quebecois also make us laugh, but for entirely different reasons; they are of less importance to us now, however, due to the cancellation of the NHL and the transplant of their baseball team back to good old American soil.

The Russians are also now fun for us to laugh at. The British should count themselves lucky they had allies like the United States when the USSR was comprised of "the bad guys." They should feel even more lucky that they are now a full part of the United States, and therefore even better protected against the scary world outside.

"USSR" is an acronym for the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. For those Brits with little history under their belts (understandable, it's ok), these were the bad guys for most of the second half of the 20th century. It will no longer be acceptable to teach such drivel as "The Russians were never the bad guys" in British school systems.

British people will continue to not be allowed to own or carry guns, at least until they come around to a more American way of thinking. They obviously don't know how to use them, and it would be frightening to think what would happen to their poor little island if they had their hands on them again. Until they reach this more American way of thinking, their right to bear arms will be in regards to the two appendages they have attached to their shoulders.

[MVB]

July 4th will become Independence Day for Britain as well; they will be allowed to actually have some fun on that day, and shoot off fireworks. This will also help continue the American way of weeding out the idiots, as all stupid Brits will begin killing themselves with fireworks as well on this wonderful holiday. American soldiers and policemen will be on hand to prevent too much accidental suicide, however; some sort of population needs to remain, after all.

American car manufacturers and designers will continue to invent 99.9999% of the innovations found in current automobiles. The trend of outsourcing parts production to specialist companies will continue. All British car manufacturers will be completely banned, for making some fo the shittiest and least reliable cars ever created. British roundabouts will be eliminated, and replaced with intersections, so as to reduce the crappy car situation in Britain. American policemen and car security manufacturers will instruct the Brits on how to appropriately protect their cars from theft.

Brits will realize that driving on the left is foolish in time, so no legislation will be enacted to force a change, at least not until the road system is revamped for driving on the right. Those Germans that British refer to as knowing their shit about cars should help persuade them that they really should be driving on the right.

British will realize that a conversion table and conversion calculations are not all that hard; if the British cannot carry their 2's and perform simple math changes, they should not be allowed to work with heavy numbers, for the sake of their own health.

British people will reevaluate their use of the word chip. They will also remove the chips from their shoulders. Chip will only remain in its current British usage when in the context of the phrase "fish and chips," which sounds good, and tickles the American fancy for international food. Average British food items will be stricken from all menus, everywhere. For the sake of the stomach of the reader, we will not name some of these horrendous food items in this notice. Warm and flat beer will become a thing of the past. Irish, American and German beer, with some notable exceptions from places like Belgium and the Czech Republic, will be the ONLY beer allowed in Britain. It's time your little island got a real taste of the Rockies. In fact, for your little island, it's Miller Time.

Tea will be removed from the British way of thinking. Starbucks, if not already heavily prevalent in Britain, will be heavily infused into the British way of life. Brits will realize that the best coffee comes from South America and Hawai'i, and that it is in every way superior to whatever beverage exists in Britain.

Proper British Bitter will be referred to as British Bitter. Britain's vain attempt to corner the market on the word "beer" will be completely taken away. They will also realize the word "Beer" comes from the German word "Bier," and is not their word at all. They will learn all about Pilsners, Bitters, Lagers, Ales, Grogs and all other form of alcoholic beverage, and will learn to use those words appropriately. British arrogance will be weeded out, however long it takes.

British people will be subjected to the beauty of the American microbrewery beer, and how wonderful a distinct draught from a unique location is. They will also realize that cold, easy-drinking beer such as Miller Lite, Michelob Light, Bud Light and Coors Light all taste wonderful when watching that most wonderful of sports -- you guessed it, American football -- and when chasing women at university parties. When British people begin to practice better dental habits, they will realize how much easier it is to get attractive women. This will cause the horribly unkempt average woman in Britain to begin taking better care of herself, to attract the now better-looking men, who will then have to learn to speak more clearly, in order to better impress the women once they realize they can't make themselves look any better, and suddenly they'll realize that Americans have a different lifestyle because they have superior women, and nothing matters so much as the "poon."

The few attractive British women and actresses and models will be officially granted citizenship in any US State of their choice, so as not to be further associated with the ugly Brits in need of catching up.

The Brits will realize that not all petroleum can be called that, as it needs different names best on the level of refinement or treatment it has undergone. Instead of calling motor oil petrol, they will call it motor oil. Instead of calling gasoline petrol, they will call it gasoline. Anything that is unrefined petroleum will be called petroleum, though as we allow the use of "oil" instead of motor oil, and "gas" instead of gasoline, the Brits will be allowed to say "petrol," but only in reference to unrefined petroleum.

The British will benefit from the significantly lower cost of American gasoline. Welcome to the world of driving without paying an arm and a leg for it. Coupled with increased auto-theft security from American ingenuity and criminal law, the Brits will be much happier automobile owners.

You as Brits will learn to solve your myriad of psychological woes with therapy, as part of the British problem lies with the arrogant unwillingness to seek professional help. Due to these myriad psychological problems, the British people -- again -- will not be permitted right away to have the right to carry guns. Lawyers will be sent to Britain to train THEIR attorneys on appropriate legal behavior. American ambulance chasers will be sent to Quebec, as will any Brits who wish to become ambulance chasers. They are a blight on society that we will remove under the cover of the big news of the British acquisition.

You will hand over the secret ingredients to Altoids. They are the only thing British we really care all that much about. It is obvious that the horrible dental habits led to the needed development of a super breath mint, so as to give you SOME sort of chance with even the average ugly British chick. In the pursuit of even better "poon," America demands the recipe from the British, as they are now Americans themselves.

The United States demands reparation for atrocities committed by the British during The Revolutionary War and the War of 1812. American soldiers will be occupying some areas of Britain while this situation resolves itself. British soldiers will be sent on national guard duty to Utah.

Thank you for your cooperation, but we will still take you over even if you do not cooperate.

[Larsson7]

tl, dr

:D

[shutupandshave]

HEHEHE great stuff.

Although why soccer is a more appropriate name for a game where you kick a ball with you foot, than football, I dont know :p

P.S. my teeth are great.

[MVB]

Good, you are already on the way to becoming a good American.

[Larsson7]

HEHEHE great stuff.

Although why soccer is a more appropriate name for a game where you kick a ball with you foot, than football, I dont know :p

P.S. my teeth are great.

It is ironic, is'nt it?

The majority of time in an American Football match is spend with the ball in the players hands and rarely on the foot.

Beggers believe why they take offence to football in the uk being called just that :lol:

[MVB]

It's called football b/c every major change of possessions revolves around kicking the ball with your foot. Baseball is called that b/c you have to round the bases, but you spend most of your time pitching hitting and fielding, not on a base. Sheesh.

Obviously yet one more reason I'm glad the US is taking ya'll over; time to "foot" some sense into the Brits.

[Larsson7]

Didnt the first players of American Football want to call the game Handball but it was already taken?

Is this just a piece of fiction? I really do not know the answer.

[shutupandshave]

So Kickball would be more appropriate than football, or sweaty balls would be ever more accurate...Or, lets all touch each other in the showers and pat each others butts would be the ideal name for American Football.

Got it. We'll make it the royal game.

American Football, the queens game.

[MVB]

FICTION ENTIRELY! Sounds like phony British propaganda. The ignorance is deeper than we thought.

We may have to broadcast CSI, South Park, the Simpsons and a couple other key Americanizing shows to you guys on a near 24-7 basis ... or, even more drastically ...

prep the information IV!

[The Dark Messenger]

ROTFLMFAO^10 again :)

-- Americanization IV inserted --

Wait, this man already is an American!

OMGEEZ, pull out the IV, STAT!

Hey, don't touch my messages! :(

And it's OUT OF 10, a LUEism.

[MVB]

You shall not divide your laughter around me, boy! Make that ROTFLMAO^10, not ROTLMAO/10 ... here, I'll do it for you.

[shutupandshave]

The Simpsons seem to make fun of America most of the time.



-- Information I.V. inserted --

OMG I LURVE AMERICAZ MAKE ME HOME AGAIN!

[MVB]

The beauty of being an American is that you can love your nation and make fun of it at the same time.

See, totally ignorant; this is your new nation, man!

[tom]

It was funnier when the Simpsons visited Australia.

Australia is full of silly people.

[Karmashock]

very nicely done :thumbup

Learn the words :oohoo:
O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when free-men shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust!”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

[JADezimar]

Were already building new allies, And new Treaties with various nations. Even Asian ones Similiar to the U.N I read somewhere anybody hear bout it? When it finishes I say we step outta the UN and stop funding it :P (This could help fund money to our hated national debt.)

[shutupandshave]

Isn't it funny how a bit of fun can become so serious eh JAD?

[MVB]

There is no seriousness in this thread. JAD was -- in my opinion -- having a laugh.

[shutupandshave]

Fair enough, perhaps I took it the wrong way.

[MVB]

See, this is why we're taking you over. You Brits are all too sensitive. You're like virgins forced into an all-black porno.

[Karmashock]

Total penetration...

[JADezimar]

ouch the pain. I remember when I lost my virginity to a black dude !

[DrunkenUno]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha^453453 45345345345345345345345345345345345345345345345345 345345345345

[shutupandshave]

Seconded

[Apocalypse]

wtf????????????

[JADezimar]

Ya Rule The almighty America !!!!!!!!

[Karmashock]

british good guys loved and supported by americans... James bond...

[2biT]

star spangeled whats its = writen by a french man.

american football is rugby for southerners.

[MVB]

Rugby is American football for wussies who can't hit for shit

[MisterE]

What the bloody hell are you talking about (what what!). No-one has ever heard of the American football world cup, however everyone has heard of the Football world cup, which i believe involves what you Americans would call soccer. Why then is the International governing body of football called Fédération Internationale de FOOTBALL Association (FIFA). If it was called soccer it would be FISA which just sounds plain bloody stupid.

Also i believe you Americans celebrated thanksgiving on the 25th of November, where you give thanks to the pilgrims who first colonized North America. And where did these pilgrims come from? Britain of course, so in theory all Americans should bow down and worship us because we are your ancesters! Yes, yes i know. The war of independance, where supposedly the Americans beat the British. Well if Britain could be bothered we would have owned you guys, we really did'nt have many forces in America because they were far too busy killing the French, a much more worthwhile thing to do. We let you guys have America as the our Leaders thought America was'nt really worth the bother. I must point out at some point in our long and majestic History we have owned:

America
Antigua and Barbuda
Australia
Bahamas
Bangladesh
Barbados
Belize
Botswana
Brunei
Canada
Cyprus
Dominica
Gambia, The
Ghana
Grenada
Guyana
Half of France
India
Jamaica
Kenya
Kiribati
Lesotho
Malawi
Malaysia
Maldives
Malta
Mauritius
Mozambique
Namibia
Nauru
New Zealand, the Island Territory of Tokelau and the Ross Dependency
Nigeria
Pakistan
Papua New Guinea
St. Christopher and Nevis
St. Lucia
St. Vincent and The Grenadines
Seychelles
Sierra Leone
Singapore
Solomon Islands
Sri Lanka
Swaziland
Tanzania
Tonga
Trinidad and Tobago
Tuvalu
Uganda
Vanuatu
Western Samoa
Zambia
Zimbabwe.

But we are such Friendly people we gave the countries back to their people.
Now our so called leader Tony Blair is a complete cock and he really pisses me off the way he worships Bush, they both need to be shot.

Now i will here no more of this rubbish, or i will tell the Queen on you all :cop:

Nuff SED!

[DrunkenUno]

The war of independance, where supposedly the Americans beat the British. Well if Britain could be bothered we would have owned you guys, we really did'nt have many forces in America because they were far too busy killing the French, a much more worthwhile thing to do. We let you guys have America as the our Leaders thought America was'nt really worth the bother.

What the hell are they teaching you in schools? Britain wasn't fighting in France, it was fighting in America, where there happened to be allied French soldiers fighting with us. The French mainly helped us with naval support and supplies, they only really supplied troops in the siege of Yorktown, the final battle of the war. It wasn't until 1812 when Britain was actually at war with France, and then America joined the war simply because we knew your Brits were pussies and wanted to kick your asses again. And I wouldn't say you were "too busy killing the french," you were actually too busy losing all of your forces to a militia of farmers. And you were also too occupied drinking tea and praising the queen and adding u's to random words to bother fighting.

But we are such Friendly people we gave the countries back to their people.


Rofl, yeah thanks for giving back America. And I'm sure the South Africans are so happy that you guys were so generous. Oh yeah, and India, I'm sure Ghandi was so happy that he didnt have to go on hunger strikes for days on end.

Oh hey how about all those Zulus you killed? I'm sure they loved your friendlyness.

Fuckin brits.

And the only people who play SOCCER are the ones who are little skinny sissies who can't play football. And the only people who play rugby are the ones who aren't coordinated or skilled enough to play FOOTBALL.

[MisterE]

Dude I'm only teasing, don't get your knickers in a twist. Knew someone would bite :lmao:

'God Save the Queen!'

[MVB]

HAhaha

MisterE -- 0
Britain -- -2
Drunk -- 1,000,004

[allied56]

MVB thats a nice speech how u say coloUr and how the Use of the word U is useless. But i dis agree the letter U is used by us brits becasue its needed and just cause u stole our language like, dont mean u can chnage how we say coloUr. i didnt read the rest theres way to much of it so i cant contridict u on the rest, (btw im a brit if ya aint guessed and on top of that im welsh and do i scare you?)

[Karmashock]

We were British you twonk... we colonized this land in the name of the King.

Then OUR king exploited us... you've killed your kings before... you've spilled royal blood...

The only difference was that in our case we had only the power to throw the king out... and so we started afresh as best we knew how... which according to most is just about the best governmental system ever devised.

We are cousins... and with new land and law came new culture... the "u" is not pronounced... it is completely extraneous... it is ONLY kept because of England's ties to France.

You are no doubt aware of the Normans?... Many an English king spoke no English at all… French… So we simplified the words to what they should be in "English"... We have no history to protect... we cut the umbilical and were born anew.

The United States is a product of English reasoning via the enlightenment. The Republicans in fact, to this day, associate themselves with the “wig” (in England) in our shared history.


Halve of me has been in this country for a long time… since before the revolution… The other half only came over after WWII… one of my grand fathers was a Colonel in the British Royal Artillery…


The British seem to think we harbor some resentment for our violent past… but we’ve been over that for more then 150 years…

Love and Peace, Karmashock.

[Papa Smurf]

LOL MVB you big american kickball playing homo :nyah:

Rugby is for men, try looking at the Western Samoa games then tell me us Rugby players do not hit as hard lol. :disagree:

Oh i am forgeting you wear all that padding in case you break your finger nails, and if the ball goes to ground then, shit we better stop the game, have a rest room break eat some red meat complain that fuel (try paying $7 a gallon) is some much watch some tv get a bit fatter then get on with the game. oh and swoop all the players over because they ran for 5 yards and the fat gits must be really tired, [side nore: stop eating cake] i mean if i was wearing enough protection and knew there was almost no risk to me i would let a car run over me. the only protection i wear is a rubber when i screw dirty birds MUHAHAHAHAHA :lmao:

Its not always as effective to hit hard thus why Samoa are not the best side in the world we English are. and we play pretty much constantly for 40 minutes each way, could an american football player run round for 40 minutes solid have 20 minutes then do it again while the odd one could the cake eaters certainly could not, and you are not just running you also have to go in to the tight as and when required all players have to be able to perform all task with some degree of skill. <:) :P <:)

In rugby the ball goes to ground you bloody well fight for it, if someone from the opposition is in the way you get your studs dug in as far as you can into them, and rack them get out of the way if they get cut to shit it their fault for being there, and it is perfectly legal. Also we have whats called the tight (scums[set piece play], rooks , and mauls [ball in hand] all very decriptive words i think you'll find) were the ball is in contact but unlike you we do not stop there, you basically kick the shit out of the oppositon till they give it to you, its so much fun its retarded. :urstupid:

And at the end of the game theres the bar, were we are all great friends (most of the time) and a new game begins out drink the opposition. :drink: :toast:

In conclusion:

Ameican kickball players pussies :agree:

British Rugby players hard as nails LOL :agree:

Its the only logocal conclusion. :agree:

see even the smileys agree

From a former England School boys and Irish exiles (U21) player

Now you understand MVB i feel sure that given you are a clever chap you will want to become a real man and join the converted, i have found several sites were americans play this wounderful game (very probably badly) hes a link and your first step to becoming a man http://www.usarugby.org/

[b]MUHAHAHAHAHA

I blame spul M the big kelet :kelet:

[Papa Smurf]

PS wow if the republicans see themselves as the wigs or liberals as of old, here in the uk they have had a full frontal labotomy (the diffrence may be difficult to notice) they were reformers and forward looking the great reform act etc etc not as bunch of monkey lovers :) lol

Just joking!

[Admiral Piett]

Why cant the "new americans" be as nice as the britts were and give back the land to the true americans...ohhh better yet. Why not making it a american-palestine and carve out 78% of the land and give it to the indians and the rest. That would make it pretty close to the palestine-israel situasion, thou both peeps lived in symbios in palestine for thousands of years.

I Blame it on :kelet: :P

[ilia]

Meh.

It doesn't matter where you live or what language do you speak. What matters is your culture, mentality, belief, and intelligence.

[MVB]

So you're saying you live in an uncultured dumb redneck living in a dark deep pit of despair?

I'm tryhing to clarify this.

[CELTIC_2X]

i can take being ocupied, i can take the language ajustment, i can take the exleling of the welsh, and hell u can do wateva u like to god save the queen,

but if u touch my football, if u were to dare touch my FOOTBALL,

i would personaly cock dropp every single americane,

and dam them to hell 4 ever comeing up with the acuresd word "soccer"

in the adabted words of William Walace,

u will never take our FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!

(accept rangers u can burn ibrox to the ground if u like)

[MVB]

HAha, go ahead and defend your wussy sport.

Any sport not so exceedingly dangerous that it doesn't require life-saving protective gear isn't much of a sport in my book.

[CELTIC_2X]

oh man, i hav found my goal in life, i hav found a purpose,

i must convert u footballing heathens, every last one of u

4 the love of the beautifull game its self

this blasphamy can not continue

oh and rugby is far more manly and enertaining than ure USA football

[MVB]

Rugby is for people who weren't big enough, tough enough or smart enough to play American football.

They don't hit hard enough to kill each other with contact, and so they don't require pads. They aren't smart enough to remember a large playbook, so they just run into each other like fucking morons. They can't handle any complexity whatsoever, and so they don't understand the deep strategy and misdirection involved in every play. They aren't built well enough or in good enough shape to handle the kind of running required with only 30 second pauses for a full hour in an American football game.

I know plenty of rugby players here in America. They're uniformly people who were too small, too dumb, and/or too short-winded to hack it in real American football.

Rugby players are at least one step over SOCCER players (as that is the appropriate name for the sport, because it sounds much closer to the word SUCK, which is what it does) in that they realize running around kicking a ball like a bunch of pansies is no way to establish your manliness.

[CELTIC_2X]

SCILENCE INFEDILE!!!!!!!!!!!!

u hav no idea the passion 4 football(as it is our language and so we decre it to be called) football is the the great sport of gods,

the entire world, plays football and loves it, the USA and its stupid sports hav no love 4 there own games, the last world cup the USA got to the semi's and none of u gave a dam, that would meen the world to any other nation,

u lot a a leading example of anti social behavour, playing sports only u and ur bitch canada play,

and as 4 rugby u r off ur head, u like to think ur better, but seeing as no one else plays ur silly little games u r untested, if rugby is such a mindles sport then u should own the rest of the world right,

but no u hide behind ur own crappy sports.

[Karmashock]

PS wow if the republicans see themselves as the wigs or liberals as of old, here in the uk they have had a full frontal labotomy (the diffrence may be difficult to notice) they were reformers and forward looking the great reform act etc etc not as bunch of monkey lovers :) lol

Just joking!
well... I can only speak to what the Wigs once were... we WERE wings 200 years ago... its one of the reasons the British didn't fight so hard to take the Americas back... wigs were in power in britian at the time too.

the only reason the democrats aren't wigs anymore is that they became socialists about 80 years ago..
==============================
Why cant the "new americans" be as nice as the britts were and give back the land to the true americans...ohhh better yet. Why not making it a american-palestine and carve out 78% of the land and give it to the indians and the rest. That would make it pretty close to the palestine-israel situasion, thou both peeps lived in symbios in palestine for thousands of years.

I Blame it on :kelet: :P
for the same reason you don't give back Scotland and Wales.

don't compare your territorial concessions to our domestic holdings... we've given up hte Philippines and our other imperial holdings...

If England had been home to some non-white natives, the continental Europeans would have killed them all...

The native Americans, despite our bad history, are treated well today... and that's the best we can really do... we don't have time machines and we're not abandoning the country.

There are 300 million of us… not happening.

Love and peace, Karmashock.

[MVB]

Celtic, the point is the rest of the world can't play American football -- they're not tough, fast, well-built or smart enough to handle the required durability, intelligence and complexity of the game.

This isn't me calling the rest of the world shite at brains or brawn; it's me calling the rest of the world shite at sports brains and brawn. This is also why it's mostly Americans who play American football in the European Football League -- we can't get any fookin' Euros with enough talent to compete.

The soccer players you guys brand as "too big" to be good European soccer players come over to the US and play as the smallest, weakest, and easiest-rolled players on an American football team -- the place-kickers and sometimes punters. This position doesn't require massive knowledge of the hundreds of plays on a pro football team, knowledge of the intricacies of the sport, etc. That is the role -- the wussiest one on the team -- filled by soccer players on a football team.

Similarly compared, American football wide receivers are faster and better built than the average professional European soccer player, in terms of performance number in sprints and long runs, as well as their physical characteristics. Do you see them wasting their lives and amazing agility and talents kicking a ball around? No way, Jose. They are playing a REAL sport. A sport not "every nation on Earth" can play. Who the hell wants to play a sport so damned easy and non-demanding that anybody can handle it?

[MVB]

Oh, and Karma, you should know ... the continental Europeans who invaded England did kill most of the original native habitats ...

[Karmashock]

perhaps, but integration was easier because the populations could blend...

less "us v them"...

[ilia]

So you're saying you live in an uncultured dumb redneck living in a dark deep pit of despair?

I'm tryhing to clarify this.


No. All I'm saying that you may live in whatever country you want, speak any language you want in addition to English (American or British), and I wouldn't care about it. What I would care would be your culture (the way you speak, behave and act + your attitude to certain things (liberal or conservative)), your mentality (the way look on things in life), your belief (not religiously, but rather in certain concepts which are important to you), and intelligence (basically how fast can you analyze information correctly).


I take it it might sound like an obvious point, but from my experience alot of people simply fail to understand it.

[Papa Smurf]

LoL MVB Rugby is the preserve of Gentlemen, our Rugby players are some of the smartest people in the country and therefore the world.

Rugby has only been a professional sport for about 10 years, as we did not care to sully our hands with such a dirty concept, we played for the love of the game (bloody aussies and all blacks for forcing that on us). Most people that play Rugby are from private schools, i.e. the best and the brightest, Rugby players are doctors, lawyers etc etc. LOL the American system is so corrupt the most retard players get degrees because they are need by the collage kickball team, they have the brains of peas and yet they get qualifications which degrade all the other students, i think that sooooo very very wrong. As the old joke goes Q: were did Michael Jordan make his money A: Not in the NBA but in collage or something like that (think that’s out of basketball). Rugby is a far more physical sport ya big wussy.

The point you try to make somewhat woefully about the rest of the world not being able to play American Kickball is a bit weak really its not that we can not, its that we have far far more entertaining sport already which have developed into highly skilled sports over hundreds of years. Oh sorry i should not take the Michael out of your lack of history or culture, that would be rude lol :P

I mean come on sport should be a test of physical prowess, you should not be able to stop the game for minutes at a time, have a ciggy take a piss, eat some fat food, take a dump then go back to the game and it still has not started again, also the other complaint i have against American kickball is that you swoop the entire team over when you change from attack to defense, why the hell that all about how many people do you need to play one freaking game, they spend more time sat on their asses than they do on the field, what a freaking easy life that must be.

Oh, and Karma, you should know ... the continental Europeans who invaded England did kill most of the original native habitats ...

emmmm were do you get your facts from? I wish they had told me about this in my history/archaeology degree. I might of got a better result! I have always been taught that they subjugated the locals then over time cultural/genetic integration took place so that it was near impossible to tell the difference. Invasions while dramatic did not generally involve huge movements of people after the initial battles and wars, we are talking the dark ages here its not like me jumping on a plane to the States which even now would takes some time to arrangement, then it was a massive task to up sticks from the continent and move here. This type of movement was restricted to the elites which then took large plots of land and the locals which lived on it, to destroy the local population would of been suicidal as who would then work the land, there were no tractors or machinery, populations were far far lower that today’s numbers, they would of starved in their ivory towers.

you would not be one of these American kickball players gifted a degree would you MVB, nah you can write :P lol

[Karmashock]

Because when they move, they give it a hundred and fourty percent... you can't sustain it... no one can... so you have to rest... the whole game pushes everyone to their limits... the pads are there so they don't kill each other... which considering that the current football players are bigger then the ones we had before the pads... and those guys killed each other... well... there would be carnage if took them off.

It's a different play style... do you prefere a slow constant flow or sharp pulses?... because that's the basic difference between the two sports.

[MVB]

You fail to answer the important notes, papa smurf. American football players are toughest, best-conditioned athletes on the planet. They are so well-built and well-conditioned that they actually KILL each other on impact without the pads. They push themselves so far toward the limit that when the game gets into no-huddle near the end, injuries skyrocket.

Your sports, such as Soccer (aka Pansieball), have significantly less complexity and strategy than American football (for instance, the game is so simple you can keep one set of players on the field the whole time, more or less), whereas football is so complex, and requires so much intelligence to play, one group of 11 players for offense is required, one for defense, one for special teams, because they must be the very best at their positions, and each position requires massive knowledge to understand.

While European soccer players get in fights and act like total fucktards (smart people? are you insane?), American football players are among the best-behaved athletes on the planet. While World soccer, NBA and MLB have fights and act like the neanderthals they are, American football players maintain the highest discipline of personal behavior, and misbehavior -- such as drug use -- is punished the the severest of penalties. American football players ALL must give back to their communities through community service, and are required to be serious, well-behaved professionals. Most American football players even have curfews, while your worthless, skinny-boned and lightly-built soccer players are off fighting on the field, kicking each other in the head, and generally acting like unruly brutes in tiny stick bodies.

I will not waste too much time anymore on you, however; you're clearly one of the Euros who must be liquidated after the take-over for being entirely too un-American, and entirely too incapable of converting to a proper way of respecting an athlete for being phenomenally well-made, instead of too wussily made to be able to withstand the impact generated by a 75mph car accident 50 times a game (which is the measured average impact of a pro football tackle).

And don't get me started on Rugby. Rugby players are American footbally players who are too small, too undertalented, and not smart enough to handle the complexities and physical requirements of the better game. So they scrum like little children who aren't big enough to kill each other without pads on. They're also clearly quite arrogant, as you consider them your best minds, and somehow better than American football players in intelligence. Wait, no, you didn't say that, you compared them to the NBA, which I wasn't even arguing about. Good job avoiding the subject of the average intelligence of American football players. You'd have been owned.

[CELTIC_2X]

i cant beleave a americane is calling brits whimps, do u hear urself talking? u hav no passion 4 ur so called game of intelligence and athletisim, football players are skilled physicly toned athlets, they r in far better conditon than ur silly boy padded namby pamby, girly frock wearing pussy's, they run soildly 4 90mins, as ur players stop and start constantly, there r many footballers who express pure brilliance no the pitch,

my major problem with ur sports is that u dont follow club or contry. at the end of the day its just a game to u, 4 us its fucking everything, that is y u will
never match our great sport b/c we would kill 4 ours, and u call us whimps? go to glasgow and say that in a celtic pub, and say good bye 2 ur loved ones b4 u go.

[MVB]

Celtic: A) you know NOTHING about following club and country by Americans; I have been a loyal Washington Redskins fan my entire life, and I am by no means extremist. There are people who are truly insane about their sport, and a vast majority of Americans love watching good ole American pigskin.

B) you don't know crap about the game of American football, the dangers involved, or the endurance, toughness and skill required, therefore you make silly, ignorant comments like your first paragraph

I am a nice guy, and will forgive you for this.

[CELTIC_2X]

thanks 4 ur forgivness it is true i no very little abouut us football(b/c they only 1's who play it) but i asume wat u no of "soccer" is all wat ur crappy MLS u hav to watch, u no nothing of the great european clubs, tuseday celtic played AC Milian but that is of no consequnce to u, and dont tell me americanes are passionate for there clubs, b/c u hav no idea wat real sporting pasion is,

Celtic v rangers 4 example, old firm day, something that is a must 4 the date book of any glaswgan , game slike these are not 4 the week hearted just atending a match like that makes u more passionate and tough than anything else could,

its extremely hard to explane, angel is a celtic fan is he not? help me out dude
try and explane to him wat real sporting passion is.

[Karmashock]

Americans actually know more about soccer then the Europeans know about football... we actually DO play soccer... it's a very popular game in schools even in the colleges... it's just not well liked by the public at large. You can even get a scholarship to some schools for being a good player... but no where near as many people will care if you win or not.

Do Europeans play football at all?... ever? We do play soccer... it just bores us.

As to competition internationally... well.. we're hesitant about that... we are a fiercely (you really have no idea... it's as powerful as any religion) independent people. We will be free in our action period... getting involved with other countries in anything is always distasteful to even in the most natural and normal things.... only our diplomats can really stomach it and they're all regarded as cheats, liars, and generally shifty fucks by the population at large.

I've lived in a lot of countries and I always make a strong effort to figure out what makes them tick... Most countries are unique in their culture's driving force... at least... that is say there might be only 5 other countries among the hundreds that you could compare them to.

I know of no other country like us... that isn't bragging... there is nothing good or bad about being different... I'm just saying that we have 'issues' with cooperating.

I would be happy to explain it in all the detail that I understand it in... it isn't hostile... but then I'm pretty used to people not from the US blow that off and not take the comments seriously... they tend to think I'm exaggerating. So if you want to know you have to come into it with an open mind.

Love and Peace, Karmashock.

[stats]

Do Europeans play football at all?... ever?

YES - http://www.bcafl.org/ it just bores us.



it's a very popular game in schools even in the colleges... it's just not well liked by the public at large.

[Burned]

YES - http://www.bcafl.org/ it just bores us.



it's a very popular game in schools even in the colleges... it's just not well liked by the public at large.


Yep, because we apreciate good sports like soccer :ass: :ass: :ass:

[tom]

Soccer, yawn.

Oh btw stat: http://www.nfleurope.com/ :)

[stats]

hey stealth - http://www.sover.net/~spectrum/ :thumbup

[Karmashock]

... the chinese prefer ping pong... :D