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eXoRciSt
Nov 4, 2004, @ 05:21 AM
I'm working on this essay for school, its worth 200 points, big deal.
I would like to know what yuo guys think, and what i should add.

Night of The Pumpkin Killers

In Eagle City, October 31st, 2004, a boy named Daniel Phillips was looking forward to Halloween the whole year, yes the giant bags of delicious candy were enough. But, what he was looking forward to most was the egging of houses and spreading toilet paper on houses and trees. His friends, Michael and Joe, showed him 3 years ago this act of hatred, and tonight they would do it.

Daniel, who is 15, and tall, never really gets into trouble, but tonight would be a giant risk, but worth it. Michael, 15 also, who is about average height, loves the excitement of Halloween. But on the other hand, Joe hates the event. He isn't scared, just doesn't like it. But Joe loves hanging out with his friends, so naturally, he joins them in Halloween.

On a great Sunday, Daniel, Michael, and Joe were at Joe's house watching Football. "Man i cant wait for tonight." said Daniel impatiently. "Yeah...." Joe said in a quiet voice. "don't sweat it bro, were gonna have tons of fun, look at these.." Michael said as he pulled out of his backpack a container of eggs, and toilet paper. "be careful, my mom could walk in anytime dude." Joe said nervously. All of a sudden on the television a news report came on. "For all you young trick-or-treaters, be careful, A couple spotted two scary figures covered with a blood looking substance, and pumpkins on there heads. Here are sketched drawings by the police..." said a young news reporter. "Hey, look at that bro, some retards running around tonight, maybe we should look for them!" said Michael. "Nah, maybe there serious, they could have knives and stuff.".


Two hours later, at eight o-clock, they were almost ready to begin trick-or-treating.
Michael has chosen to be a un-dead football player, with a football uniform on, and blood everywhere.
Daniel, is a Hippy, with an afro, and colorful cloths on. Joe, is a Basketball player, but his cloths are ripped, and he looks like a zombie.

They were walking, down a side walk. Kids running everywhere, after loads of candy.
But they were calm, looking for the right house. They found one, a rich looking one with a new BMW in the front. But no one was there, probably they were at fancy party. There were no kids in this court, so they knew it was there only chance... "come on lets do it know, before kids come." said a nervous Michael. So they egged, any t.p.ed their house.

They were walking, excited, and nervous."man i think we got them good" "yeah, it was pretty scary."."Woah! what was that?!" said a nervous Daniel. As two dark creature passed them by into a huge park. "i dunno, man im friggen scared..." said Joe. As there was a loud noise in the bushes.
They all turned quickly around, well two of them. "woah were did Joe go!"said Michael, as they yelled for him.

Ten minutes later, after unsuccessful searches, they gave up. "Man, im scared Daniel". "Yeah, me too, what the heck is going on, i haven't seen a kid, or car, for a long time." and all of a sudden , something speed into an usually big bush. They both followed it.
They followed it into to a long road, blocked at the sides with a high fence. But once they got to the end, there was a very small shack, brown with black trimming, with blood trembling from wood blocked windows. "bro, are you sure we should go in?" said Daniel, "yeah, we have to find Joe.".
When they entered through a black hard door, they were meeted with two rooms, one with a gig television, and a couch, another was a messy, poor kitchen. But in the middle, there was a stair case leading down...

It seemed like the stairs went on forever, it was dark, but they could see where they were going. Once they were at the end, they found a large, brown door."wait, i think i know where we are, remember the pumpkin people?"Said Daniel. "yeah, i was thinking the same thing, i dont know if we should go in."Said Michael, "We have to, for Joe." They entered very silently, trying to peek to see what was there. But all the could see was a blank white hall, but all of a sudden, they heard a scream.


I'm gonna finish it tommorow thanks for listening.

laserflip
Nov 4, 2004, @ 05:22 AM
thats not even an essay...thats a short story. get it straight nub!

eXoRciSt
Nov 4, 2004, @ 05:23 AM
I'm not done, what do you think so far?

laserflip
Nov 4, 2004, @ 05:24 AM
well, if you give me 10 bux i can edit for you and make it a sure fire A+ :D

eXoRciSt
Nov 4, 2004, @ 05:25 AM
You wish, lol.

/<yle
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:21 AM
Pay me 20 bucks, and ill get it published.

/<yle
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:22 AM
numerous gramatical errors too, i must add :eek:

Clean up your grammer, and make the story actually compelling, and it might fare decently.

eXoRciSt
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:23 AM
lol, its like 2 pages!

/<yle
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:25 AM
only? damn... thats a summary response paper that takes about 15 mins to write. Fiction is much harder to write, because you must write a draft, walk away, revise, have someone edit, revise, then edit again. ITs grueling, and ill never be an english major

eXoRciSt
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:26 AM
Well, im not done, its getting to the Climax, I got stuck alot, i hate writing! :mad:

/<yle
Nov 4, 2004, @ 08:27 AM
you suck. When you get stuck, take a break. go drink milk or eat something, wait 15 mins, then come back, review your whole paper and edit then write on.

Lama Master
Nov 4, 2004, @ 12:43 PM
I think it was quite good, but what do i know :p

laserflip
Nov 5, 2004, @ 12:21 AM
im gonna be an english major most likely, but i am just too damn lazy to edit someone elses paper, especially such a piece of crap like that. lol j/p

Justice
Nov 5, 2004, @ 02:59 AM
LOL.

Laser, an english major? ROFL.

*rofl smiley from old forums*

Not bad. But a lot of grammatical stuff in there you want to watch out for.

cheers, and
-=</|awesome party|\>=-

tom
Nov 5, 2004, @ 03:06 AM
English major?

Ehh, why?

Metaphors, personification, apostrophe, allegory, alliteration, antithesis, iambic pentameter, terza rima, verse.

no thx.

Justice
Nov 5, 2004, @ 03:07 AM
What a shame.

So many vocab words on there that everybody here knows.

*sigh*

cheers, and
-=</|awesome party|\>=-

laserflip
Nov 6, 2004, @ 02:56 AM
i actually heard sil say antithesis in a totally serious manner once. he was like "suas is extremely frenzied when he plays hw2. its like hes in a mad craze."
me: "i bet your like that when you play too eh sil?"
sil: "that is practically the antithesis of my emotions while playing. i barely even raise an eyebrow and try to move my hand and mouse as little as possible" and so on. it was pretty funny at the time good ol' sil...i dont think anyone has ever spoke ill of him...u cant hate him :D

Justice
Nov 6, 2004, @ 03:34 AM
Yeah...but that's sil.

Poor, poor Sil ... falling under the shadow of Suas' influence.

*sigh.*

Poor thing.

laserflip
Nov 6, 2004, @ 06:06 AM
nah, sil's skill always spoke for itself. he was an outstanding player and is still an outstanding guy. hes got natural talent and hes A-Okay in my book. suas is a nice guy too, but he has some problems lolz

Justice
Nov 6, 2004, @ 02:26 PM
suas is a nice guy too, but he has some problems

Amen. :howdy: suas.

Sil is remarkably intelligent. Suas is intelligent too, but he uses his intelligence to accomplish less-than-legal things.

laserflip
Nov 6, 2004, @ 03:59 PM
less-than-honorable, maybe...but less-than-legal? ehh, im not so sure about that lol. theyre both smart cookies though.

Justice
Nov 6, 2004, @ 04:52 PM
Yup.

They're both intelligent.

The only difference is that Sil uses his intelligence for good deeds, while Suas does the illicit road.

vacio
Nov 6, 2004, @ 07:01 PM
Where's the ending dang it. . . .and yeah, that's a short story, work on your grammer. . .i'd advise spelling too, but I can't spell so I'll shut up.

laserflip
Nov 7, 2004, @ 08:46 PM
haha yea, leave the spelling up to justice...he can't spell so great, but he does decent for frantically typing shit up in 30 seconds or less so he can get his next post in

eXoRciSt
Nov 8, 2004, @ 07:23 AM
For all i care, Suas can die, does he know about the new forum yet?

/<yle
Nov 8, 2004, @ 08:26 AM
umm, everyone knows about the new forums you dumbfuck. its blatantly advertised on the old site.