Okay, 2 long posts to follow. These are the after-action reports for the Wow-tastic pirate wedding in Baltimore this past weekend! The first post is the vows the couple took, they are pretty cool. The second post will be my after-action report.
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\"Articles of Matrimony"
Dearly Bedeviled,
God Almighty made this world vast, and then covered the better portion of it with seven great seas. Seas so vast in their own right, that two ships may navigate their own courses independent of one another for the entirety of their life's voyages, and never cross pasts. They may share the same ports of call. They may share the same hunting grounds. They might even have the same adventures. But for timing, and the fate of living the rover, they never have the opportunity to come along side and hail one another. Time after time, they simply pass in the night.
Mind you, in many cases, this can be considered a good thing! (Take the case of me and the Royal Navy for instance...)
But there be other ships what rightly should plot their courses side by side, formin' a partnership, sharin' in life's voyage. For those two ships, know that they can count one another to sail true to their course.
Who brings Angel here to this place in order that she may make contract to sail in just an agreement?
<Angel's Father:> I and her mother do, arrgh!
We thank thee for doin' so. Can ye attest to her coming along willingly, and of her own choosin'?
<Angel's Father:> Yes, we do.
Who brings Chris here to this place in order that he may make contract to sail in just such an agreement?
<Chris's Mom:> I do.
Likewise, we thank thee. Can ye attest to him coming along willingly, and of his own choosin'?
<Chris's Mom:> Well, I will just say that he has taken long enough.
We will take that as a yes. (This is working really very well so far, ain't it?)
Mr. Mallarde will you kindly take my pistols? I don't think I'll be needing 'em.
<Mr. Mallarde:> Aye, Captain! Do you want me to take your cutlass?
<The captain looks around at the gathering - seeing all the pirates and their weapons>
I'll just be holding on to my cutlass, Mr. Mallarde.
<Mr. Mallarde:> Aye, Captain!
Angel and Chris have come here to the main deck to sign the articles of matrimony, and they have brought you lot here to bear witness to their contract. This reponsiblity ain't to be taken lightly. As fellow comrades in the voyage of life, it will be your responsibility to help 'em to plot their best and most true course with one another and stick to it. Will ye be takin' on that responsibility with good faith and spirit?
<Crowd:> AYE! (ed. *I* did not hear Frosh's voice in this...)
Uh, before we proceed to the crux of the occasion, there is a matter of payment what needs to be taken care of. <Chris hands over a bag of coins. The captain weighs them in his hand and then pours them onto the plate in front of him.> Seems a bit light. <Looks Chris over> I'll be takin' that watch <Chris hands him the watch and the Captain opens it and looks at it>...And the ring. <Chris takes off the ring> <Angel:> It is for me and aren't I worth it? <Chris hands the Captain the ring> There that's better.
Now, Before we Begin, Angel has some words she'd like to share with the lot of you.
<Angel say thanks to all that came, that we miss those that couldn't make it, and we have a moment of silence for those that have went beyond and then, she says a prayer>
'Tis time to tie the knot. Grasp each other's left hand and look into each other eyes. <Hands are bound together by rope> You will now parlay yer terms with one another. (Don't worry, should the negotiations hit a deadlock, you will each be given a dagger. Generally speaking that usually get things moving right along)
Chris, you will speak your terms to Angel. <Chris following the captain's lead> Do you promise, that you will sail by my side, through gale or through calm, through feast or through famine, through bounty, or through loss, to be the one who I know I can trust, to share in my life?
Angel, be these terms to yer likin'? <Angel:> They be to my likin'
Likewise, Angel. You will speak yer terms to Chris. <Angel following the captain's lead> Do you promise, that you will sail by my side, through gale or through calm, through feast or through famine, through bounty, or through loss, to be the one who I know I can trust, to share in my life?
Now, Chris, be these terms to yer likin'? <Chris:> Point of order, Captain. Be these rules or ... guidelines?
A very good question! No, these ain't so much rules, as they are guidelines. You see, rules are meant to be broken but guidelins are there to steer you proper. Guidelines are there to make you think about the best way you can plot your course, no matter what situation may arise. Angel, with rules you could come away from this whole union feelin' like you was wearin' these here shackles. Like yer hands was bound. Like you'd lost yer freedoms. And you, Chris. You could just as easily feel as though you've just chained this here iron ball to yer ankle. (No more skipping out on shore-leave for you, old son!)
<Chris:> In that case, Captain, they are to my likin'
Smartly and rightly, the both of you have chosen to forgo the shackles and chains of mutual servitude. Instead, you have agreed to a set of guidelines in the form of terms designed to foster yer love, devotion, support, and respect for one another.
<Captain yells:> WHO'S GOT THE RINGS?
<Bynn's son, Calvin yells back:> I'VE GOT THE RINGS!
<Captain looks shocked and says meekly:> well, can I have 'em? <Calvin hands the parrot with the rings tied to it to the Captain. The Captain unties the rings and says:> The boy ties a good knot!
<Holding up the rings> These rings are the physical tokens of the contract into which the two of you have agreed. They are there to remind you of one another when you are apart and to remind you that you need not worry over ever sailin' alone. They represent to the world that yer takin' a voyage together on mutual terms. Take your rings and place 'em on each other's spars. <Angel and Chris exchange rings>
Angel and Chris, you have each come to this place willingly, and of your own choosin'. You have tied the knot. You have parlayed and agreed to the terms of your mutual contract. You have exchanged your rings. You have done so before yer family and yer mateys. You have done so in the sight of your creator. At this time, it is right that both of you sign these articles of matrimony. <Angel and Chris sign the AoM>
And so it is. That on the deck of this very yar and good ship, sailing out of the port of Baltimore on this twelth day of May, in the year of our lord Two Thousand and Seven, that I find myself with the honor of pronouncing the both of you, husband and wife. You may conclude the terms of your contract with a kiss. I call for three huzzahs for Chris and Angel McKenney. (HIP, HIP...HUZZAH! HIP, HIP...HUZZAH! HIP, HIP...HUZZAH! Musket fires off port bow)
<<I know, TLDR - but it was the coolest ceremony and I had to share >>